What type of manners should we teach our daughters to expect from a prospective husband?
I recently talked with a friend about rearing girls. She has a married daughter who is in her twenties so she has already traveled the path I am on with our daughters.
My friend's husband has always opened the car door (or any other door, for that matter) for his wife. As their daughter began dating, he taught her to expect the young man to open the car door for her when he came to pick her up. If he didn't, she was to turn around and come back to the house. When the boy questioned her, she was to let him know that she wasn't able to go out with him.
While that may seem somewhat extreme in our current culture, I thought it was an interesting idea. My friend said that there was one young man who failed to open the car door and her daughter did exactly as her father had instructed. For the most part, though, the young men she dated had the courtesy to open her door.
Is this a concept we will use with our daughters? Perhaps; but whether we do or not, I want to teach our daughters to recognize and regard a young man who will treat them with respect.
Great post! I'm starting to get the nerve to date again and I'm in my late 30's. I fully expect my date to open all my doors (and use manners in general) or there is no second date. I hope to pass this on to my girls too. They deserve someone who is going to respect them and be a gentleman.
ReplyDeleteI like this post! I think the way your husband treats us will be the expectation for our daughters.
ReplyDeleteI like this, too! My daughter is only 5, but I *am* nervous thinking about life in 10 years. I didn't date much at all until college; I wonder if she'll be like I was in high school (too busy for that stuff :-P) or be a Queen Bee? It will definitely be something I'll have to stay on top of. Praying that we're sowing the seeds of respect & relationship NOW for the teens. I need to pray for her future boyfriends now; I hadn't really given it much thought... Thank you!!!
ReplyDeleteMrs. Stam,
ReplyDeleteI think you are exactly right!
We don't believe in dating (we would like our daughter to court, meaning that the young man will have to approach my husband first), so my daughter won't have to do this (ie. walk away from a young man who doesn't open the door for her)... But among our list of things the young man has to be, is that he must be a gentleman. My husband opened car doors for me when we were courting - and he hasn't stopped through our marriage either (he would get upset if I didn't let him open my door)... My father used to open the car door for my mother, but it is a rare thing to see today amongst older men, let alone young men. My son already loves opening doors for his ladies (sister and mother when Papa's not home) - it makes him feel special and important. :)
ReplyDeleteYoung ladies DEFINITELY should have HIGH standards and never settle for less than best.
Clara,
ReplyDeleteI have had very little personal experience with courting, but I'm definitely interested in understanding the process. We know that we don't want our daughters getting emotionally involved with one young man after another, but rather to only begin a relationship when they are of an age and maturity that they would be contemplating marriage.
I had a wonderful example when I was growing up, too, as my dad always opened doors for my mom (and still does). I can tell that you are raising a young gentleman yourself!!
That's a neat example! I haven't thought much about courting - but I pray for the young men who will enter our family one day.
ReplyDeleteTracey, I recently got ahold of a book that looks like it will explain the courtship process well, I will let you know if it turns out to be as good as I think it will be, or I might do a book review of it on my blog - then if you're interested you can read it too. :)
ReplyDelete