But it sometimes takes a little more effort to show love to that child who's now as tall as you are, who acts so independent, and stays up later at night than you do!
Yet through these teen years, I think our kids desperately need to know that our love is still there. When so much about themselves and their world is changing, mom's and dad's love can be a constant, positive force in their lives.
Since I have girls, it was easy for me to come up with this list of ways I try to show love to my teen daughters. I'm thinking that with slight variations, these would work for boys, too!
1. Listen to her. As in really listen. Make eye contact. Ask follow-up questions that are thoughtful, but not probing. Unless she asks for a solution to a problem, just empathize with her view of the situation and allow her to pour out her feelings.
2. Pray aloud for her. My dad still does this for me sometimes, just when we're on the phone together. There is something powerful about hearing your name brought to God in prayer. I used to make our bedtime prayer ritual about general topics - health of family and friends, safety and blessing for our missionaries, etc. - but lately I've purposely made that prayer time about my daughters and what each of them are facing in the next several days.
3. Communicate her way. How does she like to communicate? Does she like to sit and talk over coffee drinks or does texting back and forth work for her? Maybe she really appreciates you writing her notes or trading a journal back and forth. I actually try to do some of each of these with my girls, but I would say one speaks a texting love language and the other one appreciates handwritten notes.
4. Celebrate her. Yes, this includes her accomplishments in school, sports, fine arts, or other activities. But sometimes just find a silly holiday so you have an excuse to celebrate! For example, Friday, October 7 is Frappe Day; Tuesday, October 18th is Chocolate Cupcake Day; and Friday, October 28th is Plush Animal Lover's Day. There really is a day for everything!
5. Do something to make her life easier. Do a chore for your daughter. Make her bed, pack her lunch, clean up her room while she's out of the house, or pick up a book or movie at the library for her to enjoy over the weekend. Think of what she would be relieved to have taken off her plate and do that for her.
6. Give her space. This one is hard for me. I want to charge in and know all about everything that's going on in her life. Yet I've come to understand that sometimes she needs time to digest things herself before she talks about them. There are certainly times a parent needs to step in, but, if possible, allow her some time to process her own thoughts before you initiate the conversation.
7. Extend grace. Some days I just need to sit back and remember what it was like to be a teenager myself. Would I want to go back there? No thank you. Emotions are going to run high, disappointments are going to sting a bit more, self confidence is going to ebb and flow. And while there are some lines you don't cross in our home (defiance, disrespect, etc.), there are still ample opportunities for me to give grace in some of the little things. My daughters are a work in progress, just like their parents.
Last year, I participated in the Write 31 Days challenge and posted 31 Days of Loving Our Daughters. You may find some of those ideas to be helpful as well.
In what other ways do you show love to your teenager?
Related posts:
Top 10 Things I Love About Having Teenage Daughters
Losing the Mom Popularity Contest
8 Pieces of Advice for My High School Freshman
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I don't know about teenagers since I don't have any -- yet! -- but these all seems like good ways to show love to all of my children. I have to admit that listening is hard right now, as they want to tell me about the silly things they have going on. But I know that if I don't listen now, they won't talk later when it really does matter.
ReplyDeleteYes, I would totally agree - when my children were younger, I tried to be a good listener, even though what they were talking about seemed "unimportant" (relatively speaking) at the time. I think it builds that habit into us as moms, and our children appreciate that we're really listening to them, no matter what their age. Let's face it, I love it when I can tell someone is actually listening to me!! ;)
DeleteI extended grace & made Will's life easier today: he forgot his homework folder for the first time in years, and when he texted me during his lunch period to ask if I would bring it, I didn't even hesitate. I told him of course, because this was so rare for him – it's not a bad habit – and he was so thankful!
ReplyDeleteTracey, honestly, everything you write is just so right! I LOVE this list. I especially like #5. I know everyone says moms are supposed to let their kids "do" for themselves so they'll learn to be independent, but I enjoy helping make my girls' lives easier. They are hardworking and grateful...they can pack their own lunches when they move out of the house. ;) I know you are blessed to have your daughters, but I have to say they are blessed to have you, too.
ReplyDelete
DeleteThank you for affirming me in the whole lunch-making business!! I have friends whose kids pack their own lunches - and I think it's fabulous that they've trained them to do that - but I sometimes feel like I should be making my girls do it, too. However, I really don't mind packing their lunches and it's one less thing that they have to do to get themselves out the door early in the morning. (It may also have a teensy bit to do with control as I like to know what they're putting into their bodies during the day! ;) They are very responsible in other areas, so it won't be a problem for them to assume lunch-making duties when they have to.
Have a great day!!